Metallica
from I'm Going to Kill Myself by Black Sheep Wall
-
Streaming + DownloadIncludes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.Purchasable with gift card
$2.50 USD or more
-
Buy the Full Digital Album
-
Compact Disc (CD) + Digital AlbumA unique, despondent and oppressive take on the modern doom/sludge paradigm.
Includes unlimited streaming of I'm Going to Kill Myself via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.ships out within 5 daysPurchasable with gift card$9 USD or more
-
-
T-Shirt/Apparel + Digital AlbumCustom single-sided direct to garment print on a black 100% cotton T-Shirt.
Also available on hoodies, tank tops, and more at shopusa.season-of-mist.com/merchandising/print-on-demand
Includes unlimited streaming of I'm Going to Kill Myself via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.ships out within 5 daysPurchasable with gift card$27 USD or more
-
-
Record/Vinyl + Digital AlbumClear purple and clear blue vinyl
SPR035
Includes unlimited streaming of I'm Going to Kill Myself via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.ships out within 5 days1 remainingPurchasable with gift card$65 USD or more
-
-
Full Digital Discography
Get all 3 Black Sheep Wall releases available on Bandcamp.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of I'm Going to Kill Myself, It Begins Again, and No Matter Where It Ends.
Purchasable with gift card$19.98 USD or more
lyrics
Slower than life itself, Jon opened his eyes
And Karen beamed back with the same fake optimism
She'd had since Bible study
When she was nine
"Rise and shine, love"
Jon grinned back, searching for a trap for his eyes
But the mole on her neck was the best he could find
She rose from bed with a yawn that
Couldn't have fooled a bigot and approached the bathroom
Jon caught a glimpse of her wings tattoo
And privately scorned as if to compensate
For having just slept in her bed
His mind wandered to nowhere and back
He was still laying in a shrine of
Reminders he wished were covered
As if there weren't enough
The alarm clock went off to Karen's favourite Taylor Swift song
And Jon took a moment to embrace life's harvest
Before turning it off
The shower ran and Jon picked up the remote;
He applied it with force
It was the most control he had with anything
Even the car's brakes were going out
There was nothing on (nothing, nothing)
So some infomercial did the trick;
A hole that his attention fell in
And never found its way out
It seemed like seconds
Before Karen's necklace
Graced his nose as she
Kissed him goodbye
Jon's lips mustered a circle
But applied no pressure or suction;
A ritual that kept him from any awareness
She reminded him about the fucking laundry
And left in a hurry, even though she was early
Jon walked to the kitchen and found a pen and paper
He began to write:
"Those who know me will say this makes no sense
Let me offer you this - I agree
Consider this the script of my head
A declaration of the things I haven't said
I'm 38 years deep in skin, in skin, in skin I wish was dust
And before you jump to any conclusions
I'll admit it, I'll admit it, I'm tired of all of you
But it's myself I just can't stand
This isn't depression or a crisis, I'm just so fucking bored
If someone could have talked me out of this
I'm glad they didn't, I'm glad they didn't, I'm glad they didn't
Mom, I guess I'll address you first
You should have known from the caesarean birth
I haven't ever desired to exist, to exist
I haven't ever desired to exist
I haven't ever desired to exist
I haven't ever desired to exist
I haven't ever desired to exist
I haven't ever desired to exist
Thanks for the food, I guess
We both know that Todd was your favourite, and I don't blame you. I don't give a shit what Freud would say. Boring is about the extent we have in common. Shouldn't have cheated." Karen burst through the door, "Forgot my report!" Jon waited for her to be on her way again, and looked her in the eye for the first time in weeks. Confidently, but without emotion or dramatization, he opened his mouth, "Bye," and she left. He started where he left off...
"Oh Dad, we knew you'd end up alone. Judging by your boredom at Grandma's funeral, I imagine you'll be the same at mine. Dad, there aren't enough sighs left in me to show you anything. If guilt exists in these lungs, it's for you and I'm sorry. We could have been closer if it weren't for me. Too many barriers got in the way, like the time I got the belt on Christmas Day. I've been your burden and I appreciate the roof, thank you. But your greatest lesson was in misogyny. Between Mom and Cheryl, you know just how to pick them. I knew I'd hate my wife someday. You know exactly what I mean
Todd, best of luck with the UFC thing
Karen, don't know how the will thing works but you can have it all. I looked into life insurance but it doesn't cover suicide. There's a penny in the account for every vibrant verb you wish I was. I've never had goals to succeed in disappointment but I can feel yours in me, let's make it easy on you. I know you've always hated the ring, and I hate mine too, but not because of the way it looks. Life is just easier when I take it off. Since the day I promised "I do," I've been watching us fade to black - maybe that's what Hetfield meant. We're some kind of monster that couldn't bear an infant. As much pain as you are, at least we never had kids... It's easier to beat them in my head. Regardless, I'm happy this is on my own accord. Remember the time you caught me jerking off to Groupon? That wasn't the first time or the last. I'd rather watch senior porn than deal with the biannual anniversary sex. Those files in my computer are bound to shock you so be cautious
If you ask me, it's a miracle I've made it this far
My greatest achievement is waking up 14.000 days in a row
While pictures may inspire deceit
I'm already as dead as I'll be in five minutes
Say what you want, but take my guidances to consideration:
If they call me brave, remember that I was weak, I was weak
And if they call me careless, be honored I took the time to write the note
Just don't ever call me special, special, special, special
I'm going to kill myself
I'm going to kill myself
I'm going to kill myself
I'm going to kill myself
I'm going to kill myself
I'm going to kill myself
I'm going to kill myself
I'm going to kill myself
I'm going to kill myself
I'm going to kill myself
I'm going to kill myself"
And Karen beamed back with the same fake optimism
She'd had since Bible study
When she was nine
"Rise and shine, love"
Jon grinned back, searching for a trap for his eyes
But the mole on her neck was the best he could find
She rose from bed with a yawn that
Couldn't have fooled a bigot and approached the bathroom
Jon caught a glimpse of her wings tattoo
And privately scorned as if to compensate
For having just slept in her bed
His mind wandered to nowhere and back
He was still laying in a shrine of
Reminders he wished were covered
As if there weren't enough
The alarm clock went off to Karen's favourite Taylor Swift song
And Jon took a moment to embrace life's harvest
Before turning it off
The shower ran and Jon picked up the remote;
He applied it with force
It was the most control he had with anything
Even the car's brakes were going out
There was nothing on (nothing, nothing)
So some infomercial did the trick;
A hole that his attention fell in
And never found its way out
It seemed like seconds
Before Karen's necklace
Graced his nose as she
Kissed him goodbye
Jon's lips mustered a circle
But applied no pressure or suction;
A ritual that kept him from any awareness
She reminded him about the fucking laundry
And left in a hurry, even though she was early
Jon walked to the kitchen and found a pen and paper
He began to write:
"Those who know me will say this makes no sense
Let me offer you this - I agree
Consider this the script of my head
A declaration of the things I haven't said
I'm 38 years deep in skin, in skin, in skin I wish was dust
And before you jump to any conclusions
I'll admit it, I'll admit it, I'm tired of all of you
But it's myself I just can't stand
This isn't depression or a crisis, I'm just so fucking bored
If someone could have talked me out of this
I'm glad they didn't, I'm glad they didn't, I'm glad they didn't
Mom, I guess I'll address you first
You should have known from the caesarean birth
I haven't ever desired to exist, to exist
I haven't ever desired to exist
I haven't ever desired to exist
I haven't ever desired to exist
I haven't ever desired to exist
I haven't ever desired to exist
Thanks for the food, I guess
We both know that Todd was your favourite, and I don't blame you. I don't give a shit what Freud would say. Boring is about the extent we have in common. Shouldn't have cheated." Karen burst through the door, "Forgot my report!" Jon waited for her to be on her way again, and looked her in the eye for the first time in weeks. Confidently, but without emotion or dramatization, he opened his mouth, "Bye," and she left. He started where he left off...
"Oh Dad, we knew you'd end up alone. Judging by your boredom at Grandma's funeral, I imagine you'll be the same at mine. Dad, there aren't enough sighs left in me to show you anything. If guilt exists in these lungs, it's for you and I'm sorry. We could have been closer if it weren't for me. Too many barriers got in the way, like the time I got the belt on Christmas Day. I've been your burden and I appreciate the roof, thank you. But your greatest lesson was in misogyny. Between Mom and Cheryl, you know just how to pick them. I knew I'd hate my wife someday. You know exactly what I mean
Todd, best of luck with the UFC thing
Karen, don't know how the will thing works but you can have it all. I looked into life insurance but it doesn't cover suicide. There's a penny in the account for every vibrant verb you wish I was. I've never had goals to succeed in disappointment but I can feel yours in me, let's make it easy on you. I know you've always hated the ring, and I hate mine too, but not because of the way it looks. Life is just easier when I take it off. Since the day I promised "I do," I've been watching us fade to black - maybe that's what Hetfield meant. We're some kind of monster that couldn't bear an infant. As much pain as you are, at least we never had kids... It's easier to beat them in my head. Regardless, I'm happy this is on my own accord. Remember the time you caught me jerking off to Groupon? That wasn't the first time or the last. I'd rather watch senior porn than deal with the biannual anniversary sex. Those files in my computer are bound to shock you so be cautious
If you ask me, it's a miracle I've made it this far
My greatest achievement is waking up 14.000 days in a row
While pictures may inspire deceit
I'm already as dead as I'll be in five minutes
Say what you want, but take my guidances to consideration:
If they call me brave, remember that I was weak, I was weak
And if they call me careless, be honored I took the time to write the note
Just don't ever call me special, special, special, special
I'm going to kill myself
I'm going to kill myself
I'm going to kill myself
I'm going to kill myself
I'm going to kill myself
I'm going to kill myself
I'm going to kill myself
I'm going to kill myself
I'm going to kill myself
I'm going to kill myself
I'm going to kill myself"
credits
from I'm Going to Kill Myself,
released January 27, 2015
license
all rights reserved
tags
about
Black Sheep Wall Los Angeles, California
Based out of Moorepark in LA, Black Sheep Wall bring a devastating, brutal sound to Sludge Metal.
shows
-
Apr 18Los Angeles (LA), CA
discography
-
Jan 2015 -
Jun 2013 -
Mar 2012
contact / help
Black Sheep Wall recommends:
-
Vespertina Synaxis - A Prayer for Union & Emptiness
by CultedSprawling and suffocating esoteric doom from this thunderous international collective.
go to album -
A Pyrrhic Existence
by EsotericFuneral Doom titans ESOTERIC are, quite literally, one of metal’s heaviest bands, and the somber ‘A Pyrrhic Existence’ is further proof of their mastery.
go to album -
Monotony Fields
by Shape of DespairOppressively heavy, imposing, and always emotionally wrenching, 'Monotony Fields' is an ominous 70+ minute tour de force from one of the genre's true leaders.
go to album
If you like Black Sheep Wall, you may also like:
-
Songs for the Enamel Queen
by Black Sheep Wallsupported by 58 fans who also own “Metallica”
One of the most powerful albums in the genre, ain't it.
go to album -
supported by 39 fans who also own “Metallica”
One of the most unsettling albums i have heard in a while. Chat Pile creates a grotesque blend of noise and groove that brings me back everytime.
go to album -
featured on Bandcamp Radio Oct 12, 2023
go to album
